The Perils of Marshmallows

So, I was wandering through Toronto's Path System yesterday at lunchtime and I saw a guy in a white leather jacket. Naturally, that made me think of the same thing anyone would think when they see a dude in white leather .... MARSHMALLOWS! That, of course, lead me to think of roasting marshmallows and the warning I provide to anyone even thinking of partaking in this typically memory-creating activity.

Allow me to explain a strange series of events that haunt my dreams to this day ... we were camping several years ago and the weather couldn't have been worse - rainy, windy and cool. We jimmy-rigged a tarp and decided the best thing to do would be to warm ourselves by a campfire. Well, out came the marshmallows; we whittled some twigs that were likely soaked in raccoon pee and prepared for our feast!

As everyone slid their tasty treats towards the glowing embers, John was the first to get a little too close. Soon his marshmallow was aflame and every roasting connoisseur knows you've got mere moments before the whole sugary treat is a charred, inedible mess. He quickly put his plan into action, springing from his chair and bringing the flaming ball towards of his mouth to blow out the flames.

Well, it appears he was a tad over-zealous and touched the burning orb to his lips. With almost choreographed beauty, he quickly flicked it away from his lips, which had already turned an ungodly shade of purple and looked as if more than a few layers of skin was gone. This action caused the still-burning treat to launch off the end of his skewer. We watched as it flew - almost in slow-motion - through the air, never once losing any of it's fiery qualities, landing precisely in the middle of the top of the head of another camper, who was so busy dancing fireside, that he didn't notice it land.

Suffice it to say, his hair was soon aflame and what ensued after that could only be described as a dance of bodies ... some springing into action to splat out the flames and some pointing and laughing.

So I ask .... Marshmallows: small, harmless treat from our childhood? OR, dangerous ball of flame leaving trauma in its path? You decide!

I love pasta with broccoli. It's something my mom has made since we were young, but it's just not the same with store-bought pasta - only fresh, handmade pasta will do .... cavatelli to be exact.

It's a fine art - mix the flour, water, eggs, salt in just the right amounts so that the pasta is not too wet. Kneading in all the flour to get the right consistency is quite the workout and usually you can skip your arm workout at the gym for a couple of days. Then, of course, the secret is to leave the dough under a bowl for an hour or so; go back to it and it will be much more wet so you knead in more flour - back under the bowl and repeat .... at least 2 more times.

Cut it into pieces, roll it out, cut like linguine, chop the linguine into smaller pieces, carve with your fingers (great for holding sauce)so the finished item looks like a bunch of one-inch pieces with two divets in them.

Now, take steamed broccoli and fry it with garlic and some salt and pepper. Cook the pasta, leave some of the water and add the broccoli. It's that simple! Ok, so there's a tiny bit more than that involved, but basically that's it!!! And.... oh so good!

Just the smell of it brings back memories of being a little boy making fresh pasta in my nonna's basement in preparation for a big loud italian family function! Aaaaah, good food... good times!

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Corn on the Cob - the before, the during and the after....

So, everyone talks about the fact that the summer is winding down - what the hell? Summer wasn't summer at all. Oh, we did all the "summer" things - we went to the lake, we sat out by the pool, we bbq'd ... but all of these activities took place in the cool, damp weather that will forever be remembered as the shitty summer of 2009.

Yet, somehow, in the early days of September, Mother Nature decided to show us some mercy and has opened up a can of sunshine on our asses. It's been a beautifully warm month so far. So, what are we doing? Well, we're trying to catch up! So, the pool heater is still chugging away and we're spending ever last moment either in it or around it with a fresh bevvy and some great summer munchies. We're bbq'ing like nobody's tomorrow, aaaaaaand most importantly, we are eating as much corn on the cob as we can! Corn on the Cob is the ultimate food of summer - next to watermelon - and when you have that small window of time during this season, you need to go into corn-on-the-cob overdrive! All corn ..... All the time!!!

The perfect corn is made by boiling the water, adding the cobs and allowing to boil for 8 minutes. Then pull it out, butter, salt and pepper according to personal taste and devour!!! Funny how you can eat 2 or 3 cobs, but if you actually took the time to cut the corn off the cob, you'd be amazed at how much corn there actually is on a cob. However, when you get that perfect batch .... nice and sweet, crispy, pops off the cob without getting caught in your teeth ..... aaaaaaaaaaaah, there's nothing better!!!

Stuffed peppers .... Does it get ANY better?

So I made the trek to my mom's to make tomato sauce and, of course, the visit includes many of the various foods I mentioned in my last blog. Tonight, it's going to be breaded veal with stuffed peppers, eggplant parmigiana, fresh bean salad, various cheeses and the list goes on .... and on ..... and on .... and - well, you get the point.

Stuffed peppers were sent from heaven weren't they. My mom's are to die for - ground beef fried with onions and garlic, mixed with rice, some bread crumbs, eggs, mozzarella and parm cheese, lots of basil, oregano, some salt and pepper .... roasted in a freshly crushed tomato sauce that's all spiced up and ready to tingle your tastebuds.

I can't focus.... I'm salivating like pavlov's dog and can only focus on one thing .... peppers, must have them, must....

The evolution of the menu when one visits nonna...

I decided to go visit my mom (known as nonna to all the kids), and it's always a struggle when planning a visit. The struggle is this: I love her food and will eat non-stop the entire time I'm there. In fact, a recipe book of nonna's food handed down through the ages and smacking of real authentic italian cooking would be a hit, I'm sure! However, in an effort to not completely overeat, I always have to plan how far in advance to tell her I'm visiting (we live in different towns). If I tell her too early, there will surely be way too much food. If I tell her too late, there will still be too much food, but then it will be rushed and not necessarily all the same choices. Also, I have to dull down what I want with the knowledge that she will always add more items to the menu.

So the conversation goes something like this:

"Hi ma. I was thinking of coming for a visit Thursday and Friday"

"Oh, datsa nice. You gonna be here for supper ona Toorsday?"

"Well, it might be late so don't plan on me being there"

"Wella, then, I only gonna make a lil bit of pizza."

"That's fine but nothing else"

"Ok, ooooo, lasta week, you Uncle Joe gave me some lamb. Oh, it melt ina you mouth. I'ma just gonna make a tiny piece .... just to taste." (Note: "a tiny piece ... just to taste" usually ends up with a conversation that she thought she didn't have enough so she added just a bit more and before she knew it there was enough to feed an army)

"Ok, ma, but that's it! Pizza and lamb, or I'm not going to be able to sleep"

"ok, just pizza, lamb and a little bit insalata"

"Fine"

"Now, whatta you want for brekkafest ona Fridee? maybe i maka lil bit of fritata with asparagus an' moozarella an' some bacon"

"No ma, I only have a little bowl of cereal for breakfast, maybe a yogurt"

"Datsa why you too skeeny. Dees asparagus froma da garden. If i no make'em, den dey go bad an' dat no good. I'ma gonna make de fritata and den if you no wanna eat, no eat. Oderwise, just a lil taste" (Note: same comments as above re just a taste.)

"Ok, but then no lunch ma"

"Ay, whatta my gonna make for lunch. Just a ponacella (bun, forgive my spelling) an some fresh capicolla. If you no eat it now, she gonna go bad. I made fresh from the meat you Uncle Joe give-a me. Den, supper, I make fresh pasta with broccoli, some veal - oh, she melt ina you mouth"

"Let me guess, you got it from Uncle Joe?"

"No, they gotta sale at A&P. I boughta 70 pounds and the freezer es too full so I gotta cook. If you no eat, she go bad. Dat's a shame"

At which point, I don't bother arguing and I say, fine, just make whatever, but that's it, nothing else. Invariably, at some point in the 48 hours between telling her of my visit and my actual arrival, a few more meats, some roasted peppers, bocconcini cheese and some type of shrimp or squid concoction will also make their way onto the menu.

And because I love it so much and have zero willpower, I will eat it .... ALL of it. Then I will moan for at least three to four hours about how I'm going to burst as I'm munching on the dried chick peas and roasted fava beans that I begged her not to put out!

Of course, all of this is accompanied with a lot of good red wine! Ahhhhh, life is tough. Thank God for nonna.

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A Food to Go with the Kanye sit-chee-ay-shun...

So, we're all about good food and the stories that go with it, right? Like your favourite pie that you were baking when you got the call about getting that awesome job, or the fish dish you were making when your two-year-old finally pees, but it's not in the toilet....

Anyway, the point I'm getting at is that I totally wish I had been cooking something at the moment when Kanye West totally messed with little Taylor Swift. So, then I was thinking if I was cooking what would be the memorable food experience hmmmmm.... well, besides liver (which I detest) or maybe tongue, I'm not sure what other food would accompany such an episode. Perhaps, cow crap on a bun, lightly glazed with toad saliva and toasted...

Whatever, maybe I'll create a new sandwich called the open-schmuck sandwich or ass pie. Sheesh, so many choices and so little time. I know, I know, I should be talking about real food but I had to jump on the Kanye wagon. Pardon me while I go start mixing up some sour guacamole as I watch Kanye on the new Jay Leno show....

Potato Chips ala Greek???

So, most of the time, I don't eat chips. I mean, I like them, most of them, but they're not great for you. Hence, I try not to eat them. In the summer, however, all that watch-what-you-eat stuff goes right out the window, especially around the pool with a bevvy in my hand.

Speaking of bevvy - I'll get to the Greek thing in a sec - one of my absolute faves is a nice refreshing mojito. I pick fresh mint that I grow in a pot outdoors because it spreads like a weed and I don't want it totally taking over my gardens. In a glass, I put the juice of half a lime, add 12 - 15 mint leaves, muddle, add a couple of teaspoons of splenda, ice to the top, an ounce of rum and top with Club Soda. Enjoy!!!!!

Ok, so after a couple of those, the bets are off and it's a major chip-fest - even with the veggie platter right there. Well, this past weekend I tasted a new chip. It was a thick ripple and the flavour was olive, basil and feta cheese .... Greek! I know! I was thinking, this is so wrong for a chip, right? Well, then I tasted them - gotta say, not too bad at all! Was it the mojitos? You'll have to try them and judge for yourself!


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