The evolution of the menu when one visits nonna...

I decided to go visit my mom (known as nonna to all the kids), and it's always a struggle when planning a visit. The struggle is this: I love her food and will eat non-stop the entire time I'm there. In fact, a recipe book of nonna's food handed down through the ages and smacking of real authentic italian cooking would be a hit, I'm sure! However, in an effort to not completely overeat, I always have to plan how far in advance to tell her I'm visiting (we live in different towns). If I tell her too early, there will surely be way too much food. If I tell her too late, there will still be too much food, but then it will be rushed and not necessarily all the same choices. Also, I have to dull down what I want with the knowledge that she will always add more items to the menu.

So the conversation goes something like this:

"Hi ma. I was thinking of coming for a visit Thursday and Friday"

"Oh, datsa nice. You gonna be here for supper ona Toorsday?"

"Well, it might be late so don't plan on me being there"

"Wella, then, I only gonna make a lil bit of pizza."

"That's fine but nothing else"

"Ok, ooooo, lasta week, you Uncle Joe gave me some lamb. Oh, it melt ina you mouth. I'ma just gonna make a tiny piece .... just to taste." (Note: "a tiny piece ... just to taste" usually ends up with a conversation that she thought she didn't have enough so she added just a bit more and before she knew it there was enough to feed an army)

"Ok, ma, but that's it! Pizza and lamb, or I'm not going to be able to sleep"

"ok, just pizza, lamb and a little bit insalata"

"Fine"

"Now, whatta you want for brekkafest ona Fridee? maybe i maka lil bit of fritata with asparagus an' moozarella an' some bacon"

"No ma, I only have a little bowl of cereal for breakfast, maybe a yogurt"

"Datsa why you too skeeny. Dees asparagus froma da garden. If i no make'em, den dey go bad an' dat no good. I'ma gonna make de fritata and den if you no wanna eat, no eat. Oderwise, just a lil taste" (Note: same comments as above re just a taste.)

"Ok, but then no lunch ma"

"Ay, whatta my gonna make for lunch. Just a ponacella (bun, forgive my spelling) an some fresh capicolla. If you no eat it now, she gonna go bad. I made fresh from the meat you Uncle Joe give-a me. Den, supper, I make fresh pasta with broccoli, some veal - oh, she melt ina you mouth"

"Let me guess, you got it from Uncle Joe?"

"No, they gotta sale at A&P. I boughta 70 pounds and the freezer es too full so I gotta cook. If you no eat, she go bad. Dat's a shame"

At which point, I don't bother arguing and I say, fine, just make whatever, but that's it, nothing else. Invariably, at some point in the 48 hours between telling her of my visit and my actual arrival, a few more meats, some roasted peppers, bocconcini cheese and some type of shrimp or squid concoction will also make their way onto the menu.

And because I love it so much and have zero willpower, I will eat it .... ALL of it. Then I will moan for at least three to four hours about how I'm going to burst as I'm munching on the dried chick peas and roasted fava beans that I begged her not to put out!

Of course, all of this is accompanied with a lot of good red wine! Ahhhhh, life is tough. Thank God for nonna.

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